In many circumstances the illness that will eventually cause a loved one’s death has been stealing bits and pieces of their life over a period of time. Because you share love with this person, whether as a spouse, child, parent, sister, brother or a good friend, you are willing and happy to handle things. As time goes on and more bits and pieces are stolen from your loved one, the need for your assistance grows, the normal day to day requirements continue, and the allotted 24 hours for each day remains the same. The simple daily care combined with various end of life decisions is draining to the caregiver both physically and emotionally.
In some cases the caregiver feels as though they are failing their loved one. They feel guilty for needing a break and leaving their loved one in the hands of someone other than themselves. It is difficult to admit to ourselves that we are not as strong, neither physically nor emotionally, as we think we are. Caregivers need to replenish themselves so they can adequately help their loved one. Respite care can help.
Respite care is care for the caregivers. It allows a break for the caregiver, whether it is just to run a few errands, time to visit with a friend or take an extended period of time to care for themselves. It is important for the caregiver to realize, if they aren’t taking care of themselves they won’t be able to care for their loved one. It is important the caregiver seek support needed to adjust and move forward.
Some of the general reasons caregivers have for not seeking respite care are:
Protection
Many caregivers have accepted the fact that their loved one will not be independent again, however we still want “the best” care for our loved one and only we can provide that level of care. Understandably, love is powerful tool and no one can care for your loved one as well as you. This is a protective instinct that we need to overcome.
Guilt
It is difficult for some caregivers to ask for help. In many circumstances the guilt-trips are self-imposed. Caregivers may feel it is required of them to care for their loved one personally due to their position as a parent, spouse, child or other loved one. This guilt is a useless and destructive emotion.
Competition
Yes, sibling rivalry can and does exist during times such as the end of life. There have been plenty of stories by “shut out” siblings that corroborate the existence of this type of rivalry. It is said that these sibling subconsciously want to be recognized as the family hero.
Fear of insufficient care
It is our duty to protect and care for our loved one. We fear what may or may not happen if we are not there to monitor their care. We’ve heard of, or have had our own terrible experiences with other caregivers and therefor have a lack of trust with them.
Privacy
Some people are very private by nature. It is extremely difficult to allow “outsiders” into their private lives. Whether it be opening up their homes or sharing delicate information with them.
Financial
Respite care is rarely covered by insurance. Because of this, many caregivers are not willing to ask for help. However, asking a friend or other family member can be of great benefit for the caregiver. Under certain circumstances respite care may qualify for payment such as long term insurance or VA benefits. Whatever the reason may be, work to overcome it. If not for yourself than for your loved one. Respite care in any for benefits everyone.
Best Wishes
