Hospice Emotional Support at the end of one’s life is just as important, if not more-so, than the physical comfort. It is necessary for both, the patient and the caregivers. We tend to focus on our loved one’s physical comfort as they begin to move forward from this life, not realizing the importance of emotional comfort during this time.
Our emotional well being can affect our physical well being and possibly effect our pain management. Managing our emotions won’t alleviate the pain completely, but it can help one relax. Research has shown that discussing one’s emotions lessens the intensity of the emotion. By lessening the intensity of their emotion one is able to relax. Relaxation can help lessen the physical pain.
Caregivers are often frightened that they’re not doing something correctly. Ask the hospice team. They have the experience and know simple little tricks that can help with the care, both physically and emotionally. They can show you signs to look for – when the patient can no longer communicate – there are signs to look for to recognize pain. There are tricks to make turning a patient easier. Expressing your fear of care and asking the hospice team is a form of emotional support.
Emotional support can help you deal with the good, bad and all that happens between. Your feelings are your feelings. There is no right or wrong feeling and no feeling should be ignored. It is ok to feel your feelings, whether it is anger, sadness, loneliness, fear, grief or even happiness and excitement or all of them. It’s ok to cry, to scream and even laugh. Not all moments in Hospice are somber. There may be times that cause you to laugh or giggle and that’s ok. It is ok to have these emotions and ok to express them. It’s ok if you can’t put a word to how you’re feeling. When you feel like you’re falling apart – it’s ok to fall apart. Sharing those emotions can help put you back together, at least partially.
It’s not only important to discuss these emotions it’s encouraged. Talking about the anger, the sadness, the loneliness, the fear, the grief or any other emotion can release the stress built up by holding them in and therefore providing some comfort. This comfort can help all parties move forward in a more peaceful manner.
It’s no secret that when we discuss our feelings we tend to relax more. It’s a way of taking charge of your well being, even at the end-of-life. Discussing your emotions validates your experience. Ignoring your feelings is a way of invalidating them. Recognizing and trying to understand your feelings will allow you to learn what’s important to you and help better handle your situation. Discussing your feelings can give you a different perspective and possibly a more effective way to handle certain situations.
Hospice can be an emotional roller coaster for everyone involved. It’s hard to understand how the rest of the world keeps going while you’re in this haze. We tend to internalize our feelings because they don’t fit in with what the rest of the world is doing at the moment. This stirs up many emotions, including anger. By talking about this anger it can alleviate any physical action that may cause harm, intentional or unintentional.
Talk about your fears and concerns of the future. The future is unknown for everyone and the unknown is probably one of the scariest fears we have. We don’t know how to prepare for it, but talking about it can help us better prepare, even for the unknown.
Emotional Support also involves listening. Attentively listen. Don’t worry about your response. Be present and listen. Feel honored that that person trust you enough to open up and share with you.
Touch. The power of touch is immeasurable. Holding one’s hand can be more comforting than some words ever spoken.
Communicate with them, whether it is the patient or a caregiver. Ask them what they need or want. Ask them how they are doing.
Sharing your feelings allows others to better support you. It can help get you back in the present so that you can make better of what time is left. By sharing your vulnerabilities, you are welcoming others to do the same and together you can support each other. Sharing is Caring. Many times we don’t want to share our emotions because we’re concerned how it will effect someone, especially a loved one. There is a Swedish motto – “Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow”. Life is not simply enjoying the joys and enduring the sorrows, it is in the sharing of both.
Grief is love. Without love there would be no grief. It’s ok to grieve now and later. Grief is an emotion, there is no right or wrong grief. It deserves validation.
Following is a great guide to help you start this difficult conversation.
Best Wishes
