It is not unusual for friends, family, co-workers, etc. to gather for lunch and discuss happenings in their lives, their wishes and desires for the weather, vacation and even personal matters. However, these discussion almost never include our wishes and desires through our last breath and/or beyond. Yet these wishes and desires can be our most significant concerns. Death is an uncomfortable subject. Whether that is because of tradition, ideas and/or the views of civilization. There are many reasons we don’t talk about death, some of those reasons people avoid the subject are:
Unprepared. This is usually based around finances. The uncertainty of our finances alone can detour us from considering, let alone preparing, for our end of life.
Immorality. The unknown that surrounds death can be very frightening for some. It can cause anxiety and even depression in some.
Protecting Loved Ones. We don’t want to pass on the feelings of discomfort or stress that we are experiencing around the subject of death to our loved ones.
Discord in the family. There are a variety of elements that can cause disagreements and issues within the family structure. Whether it is how you want your remains to be handled, inheritance matters or the obituary you wish to be published. Nothing is exempt from disagreement.
Lack of Achievements. Discussing finality makes us realize all the things we haven’t achieved and how short time is This can create anxiety, sadness and, like recognition of our immortality, depression.
Help. Inevitably it will be necessary for your loved one’s to handle matters for us. We don’t want to add any burdens to our loved ones.
I prefer to observe at it as living life through the end and beyond. Yes, a bucket list is a great idea, but let’s be realistic. Usually our bucket list are based on things that, to the average person, are nearly impossible to attain. Living life – to me – is to appreciate what you do have at any given moment and share that appreciation with others. It doesn’t have to be extravagant.
Expressing our wishes will not only alleviate your worries and fears of your own death and dying, but it will reduce the suffering of your loved ones when the time arises. We’d like to believe our loved one’s will know the what, where and how we’d like things to be handled. A discussion of death can alleviate the stress and anxiety of your loved one’s guessing and doubting whether their the choices they made for us.
Unlike may things in our lives, there’s no “do-overs” in death. Shouldn’t our finality be our choice and decisions?
Death is not a normal subject to discuss over lunch, drinks or dinner. Death is not a normal discussion over anything, UNTIL it’s necessary. Unfortunately many times, when it is necessary it’s either next to impossible or completely impossible to discuss.
Discussing death does not have to be, nor should it be, a morbid discussion. Death is one thing we all have in common. How we want to live this life from now through the end of life and beyond are our choices. Those choices are as unique as we are as individuals and those choices should be conveyed to our loved one’s who may be responsible in the event you are unable to express your wishes and desires. Let’s be honest, many situations arise that leave people unable to communicate and leaves loved ones guessing as to what we want.
I highly recommend that your choices/personal decisions should be legally documented, but I am also aware that some can’t afford this and some choose not to face it – and that’s ok. If for any reason you are unable to seek legal help, then write your wishes down for your loved ones, or at the very least, discuss it.
Best Wishes
